by Russell A. Vacante, Ph.D.
The
impact of a second culture living experience on an individual may vary by a
number of factors. It is safe to assert,
however, that any person that lives in another country for a number of years
does not return to their country of origin without having his or her life
perspective and ways of thinking permanently altered. My three-year living experience in Seoul, South
Korea, has had a favorable and lasting impact, not only on myself, but my
entire family. This is not to imply that
I view our Korean experience through rose-colored glasses. For sure, my family encountered some
troublesome and challenging times during our stay. These events, however, are overshadowed by
the enjoyable experiences provided to us by our Korean friends, colleagues, and
culture. This brief paper is a humble
tribute to those individuals.
Endearing Friendships
I must
acknowledge that it was thanks to a network of chance social relationships that
my living experience in Korea was made comfortable. My social network consisted mainly of faculty
at various Korean colleges and universities, my students at the English
language school, attorneys, neighborhood acquaintances, and local shopkeepers.
One of
my most endearing relationships began in 1969 with a Korean colleague at the
State University of New York at Buffalo.
Our friendship subsequently grew in Seoul. Without his academic guidance and continued
support, I may not have successfully completed my doctoral dissertation, “Japanese Colonial Education in Korea
1910-1945: An Oral History. My
family’s relationship with his family serves as the cultural glue that
continues to bind us to Korea and its’ culture.
On a
related front, I would like to mention an incident that occurred in Korea that demonstrates
the close bond we established with his extended family. In 1972, our four-year old daughter, who was
playing on our patio, suddenly disappeared.
Our landlord’s family and our neighbors helped us comb the streets
looking for her without success. Twenty
minutes later a neighbor came to inform us that a shopkeeper had seen a little
blonde haired girl walking down one particular road, who eventually took a
right turn down a small alley. We immediately
knew that our daughter was headed to my close friend’s mother’s house. When I arrived at her house and asked my
daughter why she was there she simply responded that she missed her “grandma”
so she decided to go and visit her.
The
epiphany I had was three-fold. First, we
had a family in Korea and my daughter was the first to understand and
demonstrate that connection. Secondly, our
neighborhood was a closely connected community that, in a crisis, would rally
around us and offer support. Neighbors, shopkeepers and other adults not only
cared for their immediate children but carefully watched over all the children
in their community. Finally, I learned that unlike adults, children seem to
have no inhibitions about adjusting to a second culture. My daughter’s adaptation to family, friends,
the environment, and a new language far exceed my assimilation. Before I could even realize it, she was
serving as my Korean language interpreter!
Approximately
two years prior to leaving for Seoul, in 1970, I was fortunate enough to develop
a close relationship with another Korean scholar studying at the State University
of New York at Buffalo (SUNYAB). His
kind and gentle guidance greatly helped to broaden my understanding and
appreciation for the Korean people and their culture. The long insightful discussions we had kept
me grounded in intellectual, social and cross-cultural matters pertaining to
Korea and the world in general.
Thanks
to some long conversations with this colleague, I came to gradually understand
my own country (USA) through a foreigner’s perspective and the life challenges
they confronted in their country of origin.
His three year stay as a graduate student studying at the University
without family and close friends and surviving on a small graduate stipend
budget helped me grasp the sacrifice that some individuals are willing to make
in order to achieve goals. When my wife and daughter returned back home after
13 months living in Korea, in order to allow me to more efficiently conduct my
research and also enroll my daughter in school, I gathered strength by drawing
upon the lessons I learned from my Korean friend’s parallel graduate study experience
in the U.S. Overall, this helped bring
my own period of research in Korea to a successful conclusion. When he returned to Korea during my second
year, we often met to discuss our common struggles and cross-cultural
experiences.
Upon my
own return back to the United States in 1975, I met a Korean graduate student
at SUNYAB who also became a life-long friend. His relationship greatly helped
fill a Korean cultural void I experienced shortly after returning home. Over the years, he has helped me refine my
understanding and perceptions of Korea, improved my understanding of
cross-cultural socio-political issues but, most importantly, helped my family
maintain a thread of continuity to Korean culture, friendships and values. As recent retirees, we continue to have
common shared interests and challenges while optimistically looking forward to
spending more time together.
Finally,
I would like to briefly mention that during my stay in Korea I had the good
fortune of becoming close friends with two prominent Korean attorneys. I spent many evenings in their company eating
and drinking at restaurants in and around Seoul where we explored each other’s
language, culture, societal norms and values.
This conversation provided me with a deeper understanding of Korean
affairs that I may not have otherwise acquired.
Thanks
to these close friends, I continue to learn a great deal about Korean life.
Life (back) in the U.S.
Since my
return to the U.S. in 1975, it is safe to say that our Korean living experience
and friendships forever changed my family’s life. Many Korean foods including kimchi, mandu,
and kim (dried seaweed) remain staples of our diet. When we truly want to experience more
authentic Korea dinning, we visit one of the many fine Korean restaurants in
Virginia and Washington D.C. The taste
and feel of Korea immediately surfaces to our consciousness when we shop at a
local Korean supermarkets and visit Korean-owned stores.
Most
rooms in our home contain items that remind us of Korea. Hanging from our walls and resting on our
shelves are paintings, statues and vases that we have accumulated since returning
to the U.S. My study is stacked with
books on Korean history, language and culture.
The sound of Korean music also fills our home which helps bring our
thoughts and feelings much closer to our Korean friends. My kayagum (or gayageum) sits in the corner
of our living room reminding me of my ill-fated attempt to learn to play this
twelve-string zither-type instrument.
The Next Generation
My
immediate family’s admiration for Korea seems to be contagious. My twin granddaughter’s favorite food is
Korean, to include an attraction to kimchi, after it has been swished around in
a little water to make it less spicy.
They are also mesmerized by Korean teenage soap operas, such as “Playful
Kiss,” “Boys over Flowers” and “My Girlfriend is a Gumiho.” However, at the tender age of ten, I’m
finding their attraction to young good looking Korean male actors a little
disconcerting! They are even picking up bits and pieces of the language
from watching Korean television. Their exposure to “all things Korean” includes
taking vocal lessons from a Korean teacher, shopping and eating at Korean
supermarkets, visiting with friends from Korea and listening to my wife,
daughter and me share stories of our wonderful years spent living in Korea.
Conclusion
Every
couple of years my wife and I have the good fortune to visit Korea. Much
has changed since we lived in Seoul, however, the warmth and hospitality of our
friends has remained constant. My daughter who has not returned to Korea in
forty years is feeling the necessity to visit there with her family soon. High
upon my daughter’s priority list, after visiting friends, is going to
Songbukdong to see the house she once lived in.
When our
visit does occur I know we will have mixed feeling of joy and sadness.
Joy because we will see friends and, once again, experience the sights and
sounds of Korea. Sadness since our visit will have to come to an end, not
knowing when we will have another opportunity, as a family, to visit the Land
of the Morning Calm. However, the lasting friendships and values learned during
our life in Korea will always be a part of who we are. It is my hope that
others will have an opportunity to have a rewarding second culture experience.
